Ten Years Later
Here we are, and it is ten years since You have passed. And still I ask why? You would only be 79. That’s not so old. We still walk and eat and see with our physical eyes, but You have given up Your Body. Why have You left us! Why so soon? Why are we still living, and You are not here? Is this fair? Is this right?
You told us that when You passed that we would probably do some laughing. Because Your Body was gone, but we would find You had gone nowhere Spiritually. And that is true without a single doubt. Who are You, that Your Being could ever, ever, not be Present. There is no question about that Spiritually, directly, You are Always and Already right here.
I must remember how much You suffered in the Body. How much You railed at us reticent devotees who had been given the greatest Gifts ever bestowed upon men and woman, but still balked. Were hot and cold. Refused to live on the basis of what we had seen. Who knew the Living One, the Very One, yes, yet tussled with You and dragged our feet.
And the world itself, humanity, pushed back against Your Grace. Refused Your Blessing with willfulness and self-involvement. You suffered so much; and still and still You persisted in Love. You did not curse anyone but Blessed all. Established Yourself forever here in this Cosmic Domain. Achieved that Victory despite all of the refusals and betrayals. Such rejection You suffered, day after day, but still you persisted, until You had done it all. Yes, more could have been done had You had more time. This world is not perfect. But it could never be made perfect no matter how much You had done. You were Always Boundlessly Happy, but You were the Wounded Master, so hurt by the lack of response to You, “the frustrated cry of Divinity.”
And so I must forgive myself. Forgive my own refusals. Forgive my own betrayals. Forgive my own turning away and not acting on the basis of what I had seen. Because such self-involved guilt is itself a strategy of the ego, a turning away.
I must forgive myself for Your passing, because as much as it is truly my fault, and I fully caused it, and You would be still alive had I not, had I brought You real gifts, had I done what You asked of me fully, had I been true to Your Love, it is inevitable that “Narcissus is at war with its own help”. It is the parable of The Mummery Book. It is why You had to come and had to be Incarnate in a Human Form to Show Us.
Your Compassion is boundless. You do not blame us for our turning away and our dramas. You instead correct us, straighten us. You only wait for us to turn to You without Reservation. You only look for our attention to You and our feeling for You, day to day, moment to moment.
So as You always told us, it is for us to turn this longing, this sorrow at Your absence, into Present Communion with You.
Now, ten years later, and Always and Forever. Presently feeling Your Love that is Only Received by giving You our attention, and feeling Your Regard. Turning to You, and when we do, there You Are. Now and Now.
Always bowing our heads to the floor and grateful to be able to feel You Alive and Present. Energized by insight into motion and transcending the self-contraction. Through Your Love.
“Whole-bodily devotional recognition-response to You” is as good a way to say it as there is.
O Great Master, O Great Lover, O Great Da, we surrender at Your Feet
Jaipur, November 11, 2018